Pellissippi State student meets success on road to recovery

By Kathy Byrd

At Pellissippi State, student Becky Harmon found she was able to trade in the ignominious “A” of addiction for the “A” of academic achievement.

It was not an easy road.

Before the 30-year-old enrolled at the Blount County campus in the spring of last year, she lost a good-paying job, wrecked her health, jeopardized her marriage and nearly abandoned her two children—all, she says, the direct result of being addicted to cocaine.

Now, thanks to the solid support of her family and a huge dose of willpower, Harmon will soon celebrate a year and a half of being drug-free.

The psychology major also credits Pellissippi State with playing a role in her recovery.

“I’ve gotten the self-esteem necessary to stay clean,” she said of her experience at the Blount County campus.

Harmon’s story of addiction began in 2001.

Partying one night, she did two or three lines of cocaine. The next morning, she awoke severely ill and was hospitalized with a pulmonary embolism.

“It just about killed me,” she said. “I was scared.”

Although the blood clot was resolved and no connection was ever made to the drug use, Harmon’s health continued to be a source of worry over the next year. During that time she did not use cocaine again.

No one could identify the source of her health problems, and a doctor encouraged her to live life day by day, not counting on tomorrow.

In her uncertainty and fear, Harmon’s approach to life became “Let’s just have a good time.”

Having gotten involved with a partying crowd, the next time she tried cocaine, she went beyond two or three lines, and she identifies that second experience as the starting point of her addiction.

“I couldn’t wait for the next hit,” she said. “That night I was already planning my next buy.”

The following week she bought half a gram and began a pattern of skipping work to buy more drugs. Employed at the corporate offices of a cellular phone company, Harmon supported 250 customer service representatives on the helpdesk. Despite the job’s stressful climate, she was proud that her work record had enabled her to move up in the company to a position of responsibility.

But the pull of the drugs was stronger than her ties to the job. Worse yet, she began abdicating her responsibility to her family.

“The very next payday, I spent my whole paycheck on cocaine,” she said. “Within a month, I was completely consumed by my addiction.”

Although her two young sons were always clothed and fed, other necessities, such as paying the electric bill, were overlooked.

“We went without electricity for three days at one point,” she said.

During the next six months, as Harmon fell deeper into addiction, her job became endangered and at home she often hid herself in her room to get high. Some nights she did not even come home.

Deeply conscious of the irresponsibility of her actions, she nevertheless felt powerless and even contemplated suicide.

“On Pellissippi Parkway, there are 17 bridges between work and my house,” she said. “At least 17 times a day, I thought about stopping and jumping off a bridge.”

Finally, she sought help and spent 30 days as an inpatient at Cornerstone of Recovery in the late winter of 2003.

“The people at Cornerstone were fantastic,” Harmon said. “I learned a lot about myself and the roots of my addiction.”

When she had been out about six weeks, however, she made a crucial mistake, one that she had been warned about in rehabilitation.

“I couldn’t wrap my mind around the concept of avoiding my old friends.”

So, despite a friend’s confession that she had cocaine on the premises, Harmon dropped by for a visit. Unable to resist the temptation, she relapsed.

Over the course of the next two years, Harmon quit her job and was kicked out of her house.

The lowest point of her addiction came in February of 2005. With an ounce of cocaine—“a huge amount,” according to Harmon—and a pint of Jack Daniel’s a day, Harmon stayed awake for a solid week.

Strange things started happening, she says. “I began hallucinating, seeing things on the wall. Since cocaine is not a hallucinogenic drug, that was probably mostly the result of sleep deprivation.”

Miraculously, in the midst of the chaos, Harmon experienced what she calls “a moment of clarity.”

Engaged in conversation with someone she knew well and should easily have recognized, Harmon got confused about who he was.

“I started talking to him as if he were someone else,” she said.

The incident shook her, and she knew immediately that even if the cocaine didn’t take her life, it would without a doubt rob her of her sanity.

“It attacks your mind,” she said. “It changed me. It changed who I am. It changed my identity completely.”

Buoyed also by a reconciliation with her husband, Harmon began trying to put her life in order. She couldn’t quit “cold turkey,” but she did succeed in cutting back on the amount of the drug she used by about half.

Then her dealer went to jail.

“July 9, 2005, was the last time I did cocaine,” Harmon said firmly.

The first month without the drugs was spent dealing with the withdrawal symptoms.

“I had vomiting, leg cramps and back pain,” she said. “I was on an emotional roller coaster, giggling one minute and crying the next.”

Then she faced the shame, anger and regret. Giving up a job she had worked hard to maintain was difficult to reconcile. Even harder was facing the fact that she had effectively abandoned her two sons.

“They went without their mom,” she said. “I was physically there sometimes, but I wasn’t really there.”

Even so, she knew “idleness is the devil’s playground, for sure,” and Harmon would not allow herself to get bogged down in regrets.

First she took a temporary job at the hospital. Even though it was not an ideal position, she said, “it humbled me and reminded me that you have to work for what you want.”

But her real saving grace came when, through the encouragement of her husband and a friend, she enrolled in classes at Pellissippi State.

The friend had attended the College, and her husband said, “You are too smart to waste yourself, so go back to school.”

“I did not think I could get into school at all,” said Harmon, “but the people at Pellissippi were so helpful.”

She started taking classes at the Blount County campus in January of 2006. With hard work, she began to succeed in the classroom, even in previously challenging subjects like math.

“It was crazy,” she said. “Here I was, 29 years old and driving to my mother’s house to show her an “A” I made on a math test!

“I now put the same effort, passion and energy into my classes as I did my addiction—and that says a lot.”

Beyond academic preparation, Harmon says her experience at the college has transformed her both personally and professionally.

She credits the praise she received from her speech professor, Dorothy Donaldson, with opening her eyes to new possibilities for her life.

“I don’t think Ms. Donaldson has any idea what an impact she had on me,” said Harmon, “but in telling me that I spoke like a professional and had a lot to offer people, she gave me confidence in myself.”

Realizing she would like to help others struggling with addiction, Harmon changed her major from management to psychology.

“It’s not about the money. It’s about the rewards you get from helping others.”

Harmon knows she has a long and difficult road ahead before she reaches her long-term goal of becoming a psychologist.

But she has been down rougher ones.